Oh, my dear child...I love him so much. The minute he came into this world, I fell for him. It is a strange feeling, having your heart OUTSIDE your body. But it's a wonderful feeling.
So what does it mean?? To be a mother. Hmmm. Well, first off, it means that the life you live is no longer for yourself; some women have some difficulty grasping this, but for me it was the easiest thing I've ever done. Your whole life changes.
At first, it's the pregnancy. If you drink or smoke (I never did), that's the first huge thing you change...(or SHOULD change rather...again, some people don't. Shame on them.) Your body changes so much, & you have this bond with this child that you have never met. But already, you love them. You would ALREADY die for them. You begin to change everything around in preparation for this child.
Then comes the big moment: Having the baby...becoming a mother. It is a very interesting time for the soon to be mother. You're poked, prodded, your lady parts are exposed to scores of strangers. In my case, having a C-section, I was shaved by a very manly women & then wheeled into the O.R., where I laid half naked infront what seemed like 50 people that we're just standing around. If it wasn't for the massive amount of pain killers,I would have probably been embarrassed. Yet, we women endure all of this. The pain, the *exposure*, the aftershock of the embarrassment. We take all of it, because we get our child in the end.
That beautiful baby. The first time you seem them, hold them, smell them. Words cannot touch on those first moments. It's the closest I've ever felt to God in my life. This child wasn't here a moment ago, & now, I have no recollection of my life before they came. It's amazing. You anticipate so many moments that you will have with your baby over the years. Their first steps, first words, first tooth, birthdays, all the wonderful things. And, if you are like me, you will cry.
Right now, I am in the toddler-almost preschool age with my son. I have had most of the moments that I imagined with him. We still have a lot of firsts to go though. And with the baby years mostly behind us with him, I realize that I miss them so much. But I love the child that he has turned out to be. Yes...in spite of the tantrums, coloring on the walls, yelling, slamming doors, & only wanting to eat apples and chicken nuggets...& probably a millon other things that I'm to tired to list right now....I think that he is the best son that a mom could ask for. Because aside from all the stressful things that he puts me through, I know that when I tuck him into bed that night...you will hug me, kiss me, and say in that sweet voice of his:
*I love you Mommy, Goodnight & Sweet Dreams.*
And that sentence alone, the one I hear everynight, brings a tear to my eye. I would lay my own life down for my son. I would kill, steal, lie, & even die for him. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me, & in my opinion, he saved my life. & I hope that when he is grown, he is half as proud of me as I am of him.
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